I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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