I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
