Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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