she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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