the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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