Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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