I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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