His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
whose ass print is on the piano?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
