i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
