I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I deserve this hangover.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
