I'm jealous of your bromance
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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