I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
