How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
