We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
