I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
