Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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