If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
