everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
