it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
