Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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