Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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