She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
