nut hugger
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
