I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
