Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We need to get me chipped asap
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
