Non-Jews are for practice
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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