Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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