I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
