i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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