I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
