Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
