He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
