I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
