I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
