I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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