i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
