addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
