eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
