is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
