I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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