I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
