I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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