Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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