Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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