in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
