Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
