So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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