OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
