So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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