You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
