They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
