I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
