All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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