Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
